| Geraldine Johnstone - My Child I’ll Overwhelm You |
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I left the Prayer Group at ten o’clock one ordinary Monday evening. As I drove home I reflected on some of the things we had shared with each other. Ian had read us a beautiful poem written by his daughter. It was all about trusting God during life’s difficult times and how faithful God is to us. It told us of God’s overwhelming love for us and His desire to keep us near Him with no fear of what the future might hold. I thought of some of the difficulties that I had experienced in the past and how I had tried to trust God with them but had still felt scared inside about what might happen. I had prayed many times for that ability to trust God completely even when my emotions were telling me otherwise.
The next night as I was undressing I found a lump in my breast. Being a relatively calm person I didn’t panic but decided with my husband to have it checked as soon as possible. My G.P. wasn’t overly concerned as breast cancer at forty-four is still fairly uncommon. However, she said that she would send me for a mammogram to be sure. On arriving home from the doctor’s, I phoned Louise who is the first point of contact for our prayer chain. I remember saying to Louise to ask everyone to pray for my inner peace. Over the years I have come to realise that it’s not what’s going on on the outside that really affects you, but how you feel deep inside yourself. So I didn’t ask for people to pray that the lump wouldn’t be cancerous (although I know they did anyway) but just that I could keep my peace no matter what happened.
During the next two weeks I had various mammograms, biopsies and ultra-sound scans. Although an unpleasant experience God proved Himself faithful indeed and I remained at peace, even when I was tearful and upset. By this time not just the Prayer Group but my family, friends, parishioners, people from other parishes and prayer groups were all praying for me too. I had several encouraging conversations and moments of intimate sharing with people. I began to feel almost detached from the situation. I told Maria, our Prayer Group leader, about this as I wondered if perhaps I was just shutting everything out to protect myself. Maria, however, reassured me that sometimes God actually does lift us out of a situation and just holds us up in His Grace. This made sense to me, particularly as I had asked God to show me how to deal with whatever might come my way. At first I didn’t really know how to react. People seemed to expect me to be terrified of a cancer diagnosis and to be walking around feeling sorry for myself. But I didn’t actually feel like that at all. It seems like a very strange thing to say but I actually felt joyful. I felt as if God was trusting me with this situation and that He had faith in me to overcome any difficulties in His strength.
Many times Ian’s poem came into my thoughts and, in fact, he later told me that after I had left the Prayer Group that night, he told the rest of the group that somehow he thought the poem was for me. How right he was! By this time I was living the poem, trusting God completely with my life and being blessed in a way I never realised possible. I have never felt so loved in all my life as I was during that time. It was as if God Himself had come down from Heaven to look after me.
By the time the cancer was finally diagnosed, both my husband and myself had come to terms with it and were well able to help our three children deal with it too. Alistair took care of all the practical arrangements, including driving me to Glasgow many times to have consultations with surgeons, plastic surgeons etc., whilst I just concentrated my efforts on allowing myself to be taken care of. God’s overwhelming love for myself and my family was so apparent in people’s kindness towards us. People just couldn’t do enough or pray enough for us.
A few weeks later, after a wonderful family holiday, I had the operation and spent just ten days in hospital recovering – again a time which brought numerous blessings. How true are St. Paul’s words, “all things work together for the good of those who love God”. We can barely imagine God’s love for us – our own love for Him seems so petty in comparison. Yet He responds to our love in such a beautiful way and desires only our completeness in Him.
My illness certainly showed me that God really does want the best for us, even in the worst circumstances. I felt well and truly upheld by all the prayers offered on my behalf. I didn’t have to do anything except trust God and allow Him to carry me along, secure in His endless love for me and His desire to have me as part of His Kingdom here on earth. Here and now.
Geraldine Johnstone
Mairi-Jane’s Poem
In all of this, in all of this,
In all of this – TRUST ME.
However it appears right now,
I can set you free.
Lay it down before Me now –
Don’t pick it up again.
I’ll blow it away from your feet –
A MIGHTY WIND I’LL SEND.
For all the things you hope for now
And the things that haven’t come.
All the things that wear you down,
And how you feel overcome.
There’s nothing that you need to do,
Just rest within My love –
For this moment in eternity
LET MY KINGDOM COME!
My child, I’ll overwhelm you,
My faithfulness I’ll prove,
The thing that’s furthest from My mind
Is that I’d punish you.
I’m standing very near you now
Won’t you take My hand?
There’s nothing that you need to fear
A great future I have planned –
In all of this, in all of this,
In all of this – TRUST ME!
However it appears right now,
I’m here to set you free! © Mairi-Jane Young
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"I dare to summon the whole Church bravely to cross this new threshold, to put out into the deep of the Net, so that now as in the past the great engagement of the Gospel and culture may show to the world 'the glory of God on the face of Christ' (2 Cor 4:6)." Pope John Paul II (2002) - 'The Internet: A New Forum for Proclaiming the Gospel'
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